#RealDeal: First, went the internet ... then, went the clothing (unrelated I also met Casey Wilson)

On Friday, LA experienced "the worst storm in 10 years" and I experienced something for the first time in 32 ... 

 
 

The problem with LA's infrastructure is that it isn't built for any sort of extreme anything (minus earthquakes), so between the rain and projected wind, I gambled that more likely than not I was going to lose power. I prepped by having candles, books, and even Coehlo's latest downloaded on my kindle. 

Before the storm could hit the fan, I decided to sneak in a spin class. Upon arrival I was shocked at the sight of a familiar face ... 

 
The EXTREMELY talented Casey Wilson 

The EXTREMELY talented Casey Wilson 

 

1) Happy Endings ... totally adored
2) Marry Me ... not the best show, but I loved her in it
3) SNL

 
 

It took me about .5 seconds to wonder what I was going to do.
I could either one, be impossibly cool and LA and be like, pfft, "bitch, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"
Or two, I could be me, and fangirl the fuck out. 

I quietly touched her arm as I said, "I'm an unbelievably huge fan of your work. Thank you." 
She immediately started laughing and said, "wait until you see my work in this spin class. Now THAT'S COMEDY!" 
I took a moment as I walked away knowing that she's just as cool in person as she is on screen. 

<tangent> I am a freak of nature at spotting people, but typically never approach because if I'm a fan and you're an asshole, you've just taken away something that I enjoy. (I prefer to observe celebrities from where they belong ... the other side of a screen.) </tangent> 

Thirty minutes into spin class the power went out, and while they tried to keep the class going they ultimately had to pull the plug (presumably for safety/ liability reasons).

Casey Wilson just Beyonce-Super-Bowled our spin class, I thought. 

When I got home I was excited that my power was still on, so I fired up my laptop to continue working. As I did, I noticed the internet wasn't connecting. I reset the router and went back to my desk. Moments later, the disappointment lingered as reality began to sink in ... 

giphy-7.gif

I have lost the internet. 

I expected to lose power, I did not expect a random rogue tree to knock out the glorious glorious internet instead. 

Accepting my current state of a web-less union, I hopped on my hotspot but quickly realized that I was in the same boat as the rest of my radius. The typical four bars were now down to one (at best) - I couldn't even make a call let alone get a solid enough connection for internet usage. 

giphy-9.gif

I got done as much work as I could but thought about the rest of my day/ evening. I had wanted to spend it writing, but also really wanted to have sex. 
<tangent> See, I had recently started to have sex on a regular basis (which hadn't happened in six months), but the guy I was seeing got back with his girlfriend last week, and he called me Thursday night explaining the situation. I laughed saying this was the most adult conversation I have had in recent memory. We had nothing but (truly) wonderful things to say about each other, and I was (truly) happy that they were able to make it work. 

Exhibit A: 

 
IMG_4095.PNG
 

I'm not wired the same as most people (thank you Captain Obvious); I don't need to date someone to feel better about myself. If I get married, great! If I have kids, awesome! There's no timeline in my head of expectations, or a lack of fulfillment by not reaching arbitrary destinations. I like who I like when I like them, and when it's over I'm super glad I met them (but also move on). Men historically have not known what to do with that, and honestly, I don't care - I'm super happy to stay friends. (I move forwards not backwards. One and done.) 

</tangent> 
Suddenly found in a position with a TBD allocation of time on my hands, I thought about what I wanted. The day before I met the guy I had been seeing, I had met another gentleman for what I thought was just a "meeting." 
I don't know if it was his accent, dominant presence, or both that I was into - but after two glasses of wine I let him kiss me at the bar ... which quickly progressed to making out at the bar ... the very classy bar in Culver City.

He was like the Euro version of the Brawny man (but instead of a flannel, he wore a fitted cashmere sweater) ...

Since I can't sleep with multiple guys at the same time (unless it's literally at the same time and a threesome or orgy), I didn't return his last text. 
Now, a sexually free agent, I decided to cut out the bullshit and text him exactly what I wanted ... 

 

His response was Taylor-style-swift ... 

I wasn't doing jack shit, but I also wasn't going to let him know that. 

I wasn't doing jack shit, but I also wasn't going to let him know that. 

 

His next text surprised me ... 

 

I stared down at my phone thinking THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED COMPETITIVE/SPORT SEX?! WHERE DO I SIGN UP?! IS THERE A LEAGUE AND A LEADERBOARD?!?!

THIS SENTENCE COULD BE TAKEN LITERALLY! I WANT TO DODGE BALLS! LOTS AND LOTS OF BALLS!!! 

THIS SENTENCE COULD BE TAKEN LITERALLY! I WANT TO DODGE BALLS! LOTS AND LOTS OF BALLS!!! 

When we met that first night he told me he was going in for open heart surgery, which I found interesting because he had a unique perspective in this exact moment. 
<tangent> I have a knack for meeting/ re-connecting with people when they are going through something. I love it because I get to ask a million questions and get to cut through life's bullshit to what matters, and my (new/ old) friends appreciate it because well, someone is there to listen. </tangent> 
He arrived later in the evening and laughed as he put his keys down on the buffet. 
"Do you really have a 5 lb bag of Haribo gummy bears just ... sitting here ... ?" 
Yes, yes I do, I said laughing. A friend just sent them to me today. 

 
 

"That is amazing, he said taking a handful. The clear ones are my favorite and taste the best." 
Funny at this point I thought he'd have a handful of something else ...
"I had no idea gummy bears had different flavors," I said.
Are you kidding me? he asked surprised. 
Clearly my gummy bear pallet is lacking sophistication.
I laughed saying, I like what I like, and if I eat gummy bears they have to be Haribo. 
Lions, and tigers aside, we moved on from bear talk, and as I mounted him like a horse, he began unzipping my hoodie. 

As I kissed him I couldn't help but think about the guy I had been seeing. The fact that I even HAD that thought meant that I liked him more than I realized, but I've also never slept with someone so close to sleeping with someone else. It felt weird, but that wasn't his fault. If I truly wanted what I wanted, I was now LITERALLY in the thick of it, so I was going to have to go along for the ride. 

We then got down to our birthday suits in my bedroom, and because I was so in my head I decided to mutually reciprocate the feeling ... 

He hosts his own sports show in Europe, and there is something about newscasters, and radio hosts - they have this depth and tone in their voice that is very distinct. 
As he moaned, HE ACTUALLY USED THAT VOICE ... 

 
 

In my head (while giving him his), I imagined a voice over narration of the play by plays.
::newscaster voice:: There she goes ... she's in it ...she's deep ... she's going long and hard, and has CLEARLY been practicing. ::beat:: 
Woah, woah this is unexpected, she's going in for the balls, did they start the clock to time for holding? 
Buster then started barking (he is used to being the king of the castle), and as he did I heard ::newscaster voice:: INTERFERENCE!!! 

I can honestly say all of this was a first - I went down on a guy and simultaneously heard a voiceover of the play by play.  

As the final shot neared game point ... 

 
 

We had a solid 10 minute post-coital-cuddle as we both began putting on our clothes. 

He left moments later, and I thought about the notion of a compartmentalized sexual experience. I've now tried it with a chick (which was a horrible horrible fail), and I know the idea of a true fuck buddy is stupidity at its finest, but there has to be some sort of middle ground in being able to physically get what you want (balanced with actually liking the person). I'm super open to whatever life throws at me (sometimes too literally), but I perform better as a human being when I have sex on a regular enough basis.
I don't want a fuck buddy. I want someone that I like to have sex with, but also goes away. Why is this so hard (pun intended) to find? 

Next up, I have another potential orgy on Friday. Guy or no guy I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to have "failed orgy" on my life list. 
Time to put on my big girl panties, and I VERY much look forward to meeting the person or people that shall be taking them off. 

Failed orgy part 1: scroll halfway down
Failed orgy part 2: the sequel