#GetErDone: Bank accounts before boys

It was really hard letting go of the fact that I am not going to have "roots" laid anywhere for quite some time. After constant chaos of Talk Nerdy, it was nice to have this illusion of a constant. Instead of having business goals, I had relationship goals ...

I really did love going grocery shopping, sitting on the couch reading & watching someone you love play video games, all while we drank wine and watched movies til we fell asleep.

Funny story ... <tangent>

Love #1 got up from bed to check on something in the kitchen, and noticed this HUUUGEEE red wine stain on the couch. Like huge. No denying a full glass hit that fabric.

He laughed walking back into the bedroom saying wow, I must have fallen asleep with wine in my hand. What are you talking about, I say grabbing the nearest robe. As I placed the robe around my body we both discovered the culprit.

I was literally caught red handed, red armed, red bodied. Hilarious. </tangent>

That's been my life for the last two and a half years. Supporting a partner, learning the language of compromise, and letting people close. Finally.

I laughed, I loved, and I lived in a very different manner than anything I had previously been accustomed to.

Life was more conversation, less monologue.

While I am (obviously) grateful for the experience, I was also lacking who I know to be truly in my heart - a builder, a writer, and a do-er. I had unintentionally traded all of that in to enlist in TWTBC "trophy wife training boot camp."

It wasn't even at the request of the guys - it was just something you adapt to culturally. I lost all ambition, and I didn't do shit on the island. (Well, technically I did launch something that actually lead to another opportunity, but more on that in a couple weeks.) Being a former work-a-holic, I can't say that was a bad thing, however happiness to me lies in the "doing." My brain works best when it's in use; I crash when I go into sleep mode.

"I've never seen you smile this much," said my friend on Friday.

I know, I said. I finally know what I want and all of these things that have taken years to line up are now concurrently falling into place. It's almost effortless now, because I stopped tripping over my own two feet. I'm less talk, more do.

She continued, I've always admired the way you look at money, and things. You don't just amass things to "have them" - it's not greed based, it's security and peace of mind.  (Perk of losing everything you own in a massive cockroach infestation.)  You're ambitious, but not for the reason most people are.

EXACTLY, I said. Money just gives you more options. I'm 30, & single like a pringle (and once you pop you can't stop). All of my belongings are in storage, and every day I look at a map and think, "where do I want to go?"

I have a dog, a hybrid station wagon, and thanks to social media, I have friends/ business connections in every state.

I like my friends in the Keys, but Miami is not my scene.

Ugh, the men are even more vain than the women ...

What the hell am I going to do with that? What about the other 23 hours, and 45 minutes in the day? I wish I could place my values in superficial things, but it's not my heart.

I can't pretend to be interested in things like hair, and nails. FTR, I just stopped biting mine!! 

It's just not my thing. Not mad at it, but not me. I'm happier being in more than a four digit population, but I honestly have no idea where I am going to end up. It's one part liberating, one part scary as fuck.

"You know you're doing something cool when you're scared," said my buddy last night while watching Shark Tank on CNBC from inside a tiki hut.

It's certainly a repeat of Talk Nerdy, but I know myself better this time around. With age comes true confidence. I know what I'm good at, and I know where I have a lot, lot, lot to learn. 

While deciding if this new "venture" made sense, I reached out to Love #1 to ask his advice in not only structuring, but to put myself in check and make sure this even makes sense.

Love #1 has been very (very very very very very) successful/ lucky in business, so it's a duplicitous dynamic of business and personal advice.

It obviously makes sense, he said. Jen, you're going to make a lot of money in the next couple of years. Enjoy it. Go where you want to go, do what you want to do. The fact that you can adapt so well in new environments is a skill. Use it to your advantage.

If you really want to give back, and help people along the way, structure your new company to give back a percentage of the proceeds to a charity of your choice.

After the call I sent an email to the attorney/ adviser ...

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That's the kind of person I am, and as scared as I am of everything right now it's all just one foot in front of the other.

Remove the emotions, and remove the two step that only nerves can create.

No more dancing around things. 

Life is one more goal crossed off the "to do" list, and one less fuck to give.

I've spent over two years figuring out what I am not.

It's time to be who I am.

... wardrobe included.

That is all.