#Update: "Eyes Wide Shut" style party (part deux)

Oh man, what a weekend. My brother not only met players he "played" on Madden growing up, but a handful of hours later I threw him in the back of a golf cart so we could get back to our car faster. All while, I had been planning my next "Eyes Wide Shut" party visit on FaceTime in between trying to meet up with an old friend of mine at the Dolphin Game.

Am getting ahead of myself, maestro ...

So, we all know how the last orgy went - er didn't.

(Hands down two of the most popular posts I have ever written, sincerely thank you for that. Was a wonderful and unexpected birthday present.)

It was an epic fail, but would have been fine if the troll hadn't joined.

She reminded me of Jersey Shore season two Snooki ...

... but like pale and from Alaska.

Confidence is traditionally a super attractive thing to me, but with her it came off as ... bad.

Bad bad bad.

She also upset the balance of the group. At this point we were a solid foursome and genuinely all into each other.

We dispersed after her arrival.

<tangent> Super quick backstory, I found this guy on Tinder over the summer whom was part of this "email group" that invites you to privately hosted and vetted parties where sex is not only on the table, it's the main course. </tangent>

Later that night (and into the next morning) I was texting one of the guys from the orgy whom had found me via my email address being on one of his emails.

(Which genuinely confused me because to the best of my knowledge our identities were supposed to remain private.)

He then asked for my number and we started texting ...

and texting ... and emailing ... and texting ... and emailing ...

I laughed thinking to myself I should make a t-shirt that says "I went to a failed orgy and all I got is a kinky/ needy puppy that won't stop chasing my tail."

Keep an open mind, I thought. There is a lesson in here somewhere.

I texted back later that day as he further pried inquiring what my fantasies were ...

He then told me some of his fantasies. Not that I asked of course, but he was eager for the beaver ...

I'm actually not shy at all, I'm studying. I don't "leap" into as many things as I used to. I get quiet because I am trying to figure you out.

I'm actually not shy at all, I'm studying. I don't "leap" into as many things as I used to. I get quiet because I am trying to figure you out.

Did he seriously just text me #tacotuesday???

I didn't respond back.

The next night, en route home from hanging with The Guy That Drove Me To the Strip Club After My Failed Shift (we had an awesome time), I got yet another unsolicited text from J Orgy ...

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PITCHING ME AFTER A FAILED ORGY?!? I wanted, past tense, to fuck you - now you're boring me.


Obviously, I didn't text back. I was pissed off I lost out on oral sex on my birthday, but considering how FUCKING ANNOYING this guy was, I considered it a positive.

I got involved with this group in the first place because I am not sure what I want from life right now. I'm single, and I'm back in LA (after not only dating half of the city, but documenting it). I'm here to work my ass off, and then in 5-7 years leave again and do something TOTALLY different (again). Do I want to get married? Absolutely! Would I love to have kids? Absolutely! Am I waiting for a guy to come by with this magical ideal of a "happily ever after"?

I assumed when I came back Iā€™d be like Santa and want ho-ho-ho it up ...

... to my surprise the opposite happened.

I date, but it's just that - dating. I haven't had sex in so long I started to wonder if this statement was correct:

Why would I have sex with a guy if I don't know what I want from the dynamic?

Friends with benefits sounds like a good idea, but at the end of the day one party always ends up wanting more. I've been talking about this with my 30 and 40 something girlfriends, and we all seem confused.

WHAT DO WE DO AT THIS AGE?? We know what we like sexually, we know (for the most part) where we want to go, or what we want to explore, but to find someone who is totally cool with that? Not easy!!

Do I want a boyfriend?

Maybe, am super open to anything (except a long distance relationship), but for the time being in a group like this was SUPER interesting because it's (theoretically) a completely compartmentalized experience. You don't have to give your name, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do - but SHOULD you want to have sex, you can.

I want a guy I can talk to, have great sex with, but then leaves because he also has shit to do. THAT'S IT!! WHY IS THIS SO HARD!!

I wanted to put the bad taste from the first orgy out of my mouth wondering if it was just a "one off" failed attempt to get off.

I received another invitation a few weeks back, and replied. (You have to submit recent photos for each "party.")

I got this response ...

I was intrigued to try again but I have to bring someone?? Who are you supposed to bring when you're not sexually active??

This is such a strange first world problem, I thought.

This past week, I started messaging with the Mr. of the group. He asked for a series of pictures, so I sent him the photos from my Topless Birthday.

Only, uh, they weren't the ones with my bra on.

I didn't want to look too "model-ey" so I purposefully sent two very different sets of photos.

One, because I don't look that every day, and two, being a goofball is sexy to me, and a total turn on.

He liked the photos, and we agreed that the next day (Sunday) we would FaceTime.

I'm going to be at a Dolphins game, I emailed back, but this way we can at least confirm what each party is rockin'.

The next morning, I took my brother to the football game for his birthday and Christmas present. He's been in boot camp for the last couple of months so not only was it AWESOME to see him, I was also excited to surprise him not only with the tickets, but HOW good of tickets these were.

<tangent> Love #2 (last boyfriend) was SUPER into sports. He's from a well known athletic family so this is literally in his blood. I was into hockey and soccer when we started dating, but after going to almost every Dolphin game, I genuinely started to enjoy it too. He has club season tickets, so if I was going to go, the seats had to be damn good! </tangent>

We were so close he could see the cleavage on the cheerleaders. He was SO happy ...

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Earlier in the morning I saw on Facebook that a buddy of mine from couch surfing days happened to be in Miami.

<tangent> We met through Talk Nerdy and he offered to show me around in Seattle when I took the train up from LA. We had a GREAT time, and then shortly after saw each other again at CES. I told him I didn't have a place to crash so he let me stay with him and his friend inside his palatial Turnberry Towers condo. </tangent>

I hit him up after I got my brother a beer and got settled in our seats. Coincidentally our seats were only a handful of sections apart.

Well, I thought, might as well FaceTime the orgy guy.

I sent him a text first to make sure it was okay (technology etiquette) ...

We then FaceTimed for about five minutes to get a visual confirmation. It's too loud in here, I explained. Let me call you later.

Not a problem, he said ending the FaceTime call.

Minutes later I got this text ...

I then went back to my seat and messaged ANOTHER Facebook friend (and former Dolphins player) whom I hadn't met before.

See, back in October I went to my friend's Halloween party. He's a former (and still popular) Dolphin's player and while I met him through Love #2, I also genuinely became dear dear friends with his girlfriend and kids. She's a total roll dog, and we're super close.

He saw me tagged in these photos and apparently asked them who I was ...

I texted him, and he replied back asking where my seats were.

I gave him the exact location, and moments later he came down handing us these ... 

Let's talk at halftime, he said.

DONE, I said and thank you.

Normally I would be weirded out accepting something like this (since nothing in life is free), but we had chatted so much on Facebook and I saw no freak flags. Plus, he was working and I was with my brother wanting to show him an AMAZING time.

Zero fucks were given.

I then got another message from my couch surfing buddy ... 

We hung out for a minute while I apologized saying that I now had to say thank you to my friend.

Let's try and meet up after the game?

Done, he said as we hugged parting.

My brother laughed as we walked upstairs. Jen, your life. Glad nothing has changed.

Yeah, I said, but I never know what is going to happen just that based upon experience I can predict that more likely than not you are going to have fun and or some kind of adventure. I'm your annoying little sister, it's my job to make sure you have a great birthday and Christmas!!!!

We hung out and chatted for a bit with my new friend. My brother loves sports, so I just smiled and nodded while they proceeded to (what sounded like) speak (ing) in another language.

He was SO happy, and that's all that mattered.

A short time later we went back to our actual seats, and I got another email from the Orgy guy.

I open up the email and he explains his friend has another friend that is open, and should I like her we can invite her.

I click on the photo and BURST into laughter as I email him back.

Remember the girl that was also wearing a black dress with red thong (TWINSIES)??

It was her.

I couldn't stop laughing as I typed that email thinking, well, this is a first.

I then sent him the post ...

Wait, so the female counterpart to this next orgy reads my blog too? Now THIS is hilarious.

Before the game was over, my brother and I went to the upstairs club level bar to have another drink (to wait out the traffic) and watch the last few minutes of the game.

I take my now continued conversation off email and into text. He asks what a Dolphins game is like: 

The game at this point wasn't looking good. They had FOUR CHANCES to try and score (to tie the game) and they blew it.

We talked about the Jets game (which I could see on the other screen at the bar) as we continued to text:

As I am sitting there texting, I look up and see myself on TV. (Lower left hand corner)

We then did what any normal person would do, as we both dork-ily moved our arms around to see it on the screen a second later.

Why don't you turn around and walk by, said the lady next to us.

No, I said. This is way cooler.

There's my brother

There's my brother

We finished up our drinks, and closed out our tab as my brother told me to turn around.

Look Jen, that guy is wearing your friend's jersey.

No shit, I said turning around realizing it was a friend of my friend (whom we had met the night before).

I give him a hug as I turn around and see my girlfriend (aka roll dog I was talking about earlier).

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!?! I said hugging her.

We then walked over to the group, and my brother got to meet another former player whom I believe is a Hall of Fame-er too. I don't know about sports, but I do know who this person is.

I wasn't totally listening to the conversation, but my brother mentioned something about being active in the military, and The HOF Player shook his hand and said you're my hero, sir. Thank you for your service.

He freaked out (quietly on the inside but as his little sister I could tell), and I just smiled thinking mission accomplished.

Come back to our house, said my gf.

DONE! I say as we walk downstairs and out to the car.

At this point it was close to 6, so the lot was practically empty.

I know the stadium by the back of my hand, but because we came from the club level I got COMPLETELY turned around.

I remember parking WAY in the back by the Dunkin Donuts, but couldn't remember exactly where that was.

I could pull it up on google maps, but my battery was about to die.

Take my friend's address, I said texting my brother, and let's pull up on your phone where Dunkin Donuts is.

We do, and discover it is a mile away. While a mile isn't far, at that hour after running around all day, I just wanted to find the car.

Moments later a golf cart came by, and I flagged him down.

We are trying to get to our car, and I majorly messed up on remembering exactly which exit it was near. Can we trouble you for a lift?

Sure, he said as I climbed in the front and made my brother pile into the flat bed trunk.

He then explains that he is not only a groundskeeper but also the only plumber for the stadium.

250 stalls I'm responsible for.

Wow, I said as I thought man, what a shitty job (PUN INTENDED!!). 

About an hour later we finally made it to my friend's house as we laughed.

Well, we had an adventure, I said with a smile apologizing for being so late.

(Thank you big brother for not killing me.)

You always do, she said.

ANNNNDD there you have it. I am heading back to LA tomorrow, and I can't begin to tell you how excited that I am for my own bed.

Especially since I won't be the only one in it (FINALLY).

To be continued ...