Fun with @Match: Dear men, quit being so damn emotive in your online dating profiles

Here's an email I got on Facebook the other day ...

He then sent in his profile ... keep going ...

Here is his Match profile:

Cardinal rules in online dating:

1) No hats, sunglasses, or anything obstructing your face in your default or ANY photo. We want to see your face. We want to look at your photos and imagine ourselves there, imagine what our babies would look like ... you get the idea. I pass on all guys with sunglasses and hats as I read it as "they are hiding something." Don't do it.

Action item: Swap out those photos.

2) Brevity is your friend, be into it. (I still can't use that word without thinking of The Dude.)

His profile is WAYYYYYY too wordy. Don't say you are "funny" - tell a joke. Don't say "you like to have fun" (who doesn't!?!) - show photos of you doing fun things! Tell the narrative of your life in your photos. SELL ME ON WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON!!! Be specific. I like Indian food on Wednesdays while wearing a yellow sweater and watching Desperate Housewives. Alrite, maybe not THAT specific, but you get the idea. Have an opinion!! Express it!!

I have yet to figure out why men are so damn emotive in terms of online dating. As a woman, we are on the receiving end of (sometimes literally) hundreds of emails in our inbox weekly. We don't have time to read that shit. We are shallow when it comes to online dating. Which leads me to the next rule ...

3) Ask the girl out. Don't exchange dozens of messages before deciding to meet. It's lame, and a waste of time. I wait a message or two before I give a guy my number. I'm also now old, and very sick of online dating (so am not sure on that end if it's a standard.) If I want to meet, we will meet. No one is that busy. Grow a pair and ask us out.

4) On the flip side, don't at ALL take it personally if the girl suddenly stops responding. I say this all the time, but timing is everything in life. Maybe I'm still talking to an ex, or had an AMAZING first date with someone else - shit happens. Don't take it personally, and don't be that guy to keep texting, (or even worse), continuously text "what's up?" or "how's your day?" before a first meeting. I don't know you, I'm not going to tell you about my day.

5) Spell check your dating profile, and make sure you are properly using all contractions. Post it in a Word doc first if that helps. Just figure it out.

Think of it in terms of objectives ...

Goal: You want her to respond to your message.

Next doable action: pick one detail out from her profile (particularly something she wrote. Don't just focus on the pictures).

Goal: Get her number.

Next doable action: Say let's take this offline (or something wittier - you get the idea). Do you mind if I grab your number? Remember - you don't G.E.T. if you don't A.S.K.

Goal: Get the date.

Next doable action: Send a text asking what she is doing after work either that night or the next? Don't drag this shit out. You got the number, close the deal!

The rest is up to you. Think of a first date as a "meeting." Meet for a drink, or coffee and have enough of them on a frequent basis that no "one girl" has all your eggs in one basket.

Best of luck out there. If you have a direct question always feel free to shoot me a message or tweet. Rock on!